


Feeling, always feeling

by angedo



Category: Marvel, spider man - Fandom
Genre: Crime, Iron Man - Freeform, Ned Is a Good Bro, Protective Peter, Protective Tony Stark, Spider Man - Freeform, Tony acting as a parental figure, slow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-10-26 05:00:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20736623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angedo/pseuds/angedo
Summary: Peter Parker is in a confusing time in his life, especially after Tony stops replying to his texts. But things are about the get a whole lot more complicated.





	1. A memory

**Author's Note:**

> This happens after Spider man: Homecoming but before Infinity war. This is my first time writing anything, except for school stuff. Please don't mind the spelling mistakes; English is not my first nor is it my second language. This is more of an outlet for my idea's but i'll try to make it into a story. If anyone ever reads this, please let me know what you thought :) Hope you like it!

The noice of the kitchen window suddenly shutting was so loud that it pulled Peter out of is deep sleep on the couch. He immediately stood up due to instinct -he didn’t think about it, it was a reflex- but immediately regretted it because black dots started appearing. He groaned and started rubbing his hands over his eyes in an attempt to clear his vision. He was successful and looked in the direction of the sound that woke him up. “That dang wind” he mumbled to himself while closing it. When Queens night air hit his skin he realized it was so cold outside and when he took a look outside Peter saw that there were little white flocs of snow falling. A smile spread across his face, ‘finally’ he thought.

Uncle Ben’s birthday was in the winter, Peter couldn’t remember a single year that there wasn’t snow on that day. He was always so jealous as a kid, why couldn’t it snow in august on his birthday? Winter was their happy time, even though most people dislike winter because it was dark all the time or that it was cold. No, snow always came with a feeling of happiness in the Parker family. It was mostly because of the many great memories that come from it. Like that time he, May and Ben went ice skating on the big ice skating ring that was put in the city center. Everyone’s cheeks and nose’s were red from the cold, but they were smiling, genuinely being happy. May was great at ice skating, with surprised Peter that days a lot while uncle Benjamin was just putting on an ice skate and grinning at his reaction. Uncle Ben, he was a totally different story on ice, he kept falling while Peter and aunt May just laughed, he remembers having tears of laughter. God, that was such a nice day. He smiled at the memory.

He picked up his phone that was on the kitchen counter to text Ned that they needed to meet tomorrow to build the annual ‘Snow Sky Walker’, but when he pressed the home button, and the bright screen lit up the dark room, he saw that Ned beat him to it. He replied with an excited confirmation and saw that he had one more unread text message.

Secretly he hoped it would me Mr. Stark, but he tried to not think about it because he would get hope and then let down. Mr. Stark hasn’t let anything know for 3 months now, he had texted him every day for the whole first month. He had given his number instead of Happy’s and said that he had to report to him now, after the whole Vulture thing. Peter had stopped texting him though because he didn’t even get one reply for 2 months, it hurt if he was being honest, he thought that he cared after the entire incident. Because after that he and Happy came over for dinner and that was a pleasant evening, partly because Happy told everyone a lot of embarrassing Mr. Stark story’s. But that didn’t matter, he guessed, he probably never did to him. How can you ignore someone you care about for 2 months straight?

He was right, it wasn’t him but it was May, May who was on a 2 and a half day trip to Virginia to visit an old college friend. Peter was very happy that she went on a trip, she truly deserved it, she works really hard every week to provide for her and Peter.

The message read: “Hi honey, I just arrived safely, me and Carol are going to eat at this nice Chinese place from across the street :) She also says hi. Tell me how you are and how that Spanish test went. I larb you honey, talk to you soon <3”

He explained how the Spanish test was harder then he excepted but he thinks he still nailed it, then he forms the rest of his reply. He hit reply and frowned when he finally noticed the time. It was 2 AM, he’d been so tired when he came back from school that after his 4 o’clock snack he took a nap. A nap that lasted 8 hours… but, it delivered a lot of energy and right now, he couldn’t go back to sleep.


	2. The other side of the story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every story has its two sides and now you can read them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the 8 kudos on the first chapter, it made me so happy! Here is a little bit of a longer text, I hope you enjoy the read and please if you liked it/ disliked it leave a comment. It helps me a lot to improve :) If you have any suggestions, please also leave them I would love to read them:) Sorry for any mistakes

Peter went to his room and well since he had a lot of energy and May wasn’t home to remind him of his ‘Spiderling curfew’ (as she called it), he went to go put on his spider suit.

Meanwhile a man is still awake and staring at the snowy but alive and light streets of New York. He couldn’t sleep that night, terrors invading his dreams. In recent months this had become his new reality, go to bed, wake up, with sweat on his brow, at an early hour(or really late hour, depends on how you look at it), drink coffee, go to work. And yes, right now he was waiting for his coffee to get ready, he at least needed a few cups. 

Tonight was worse than his ‘avarage’ night, he woke up with silent tears on his cheeks in fact. He saw his parent dying at the hands of the Winter Soldier, he will never get to erase that memorie, no matter how many bottles he drank. They won’t let him drown this memory, they do let him forget for a moment how it felt to be him, how it felt to be a Stark, but Pepper confiscated all his alchohol and even installed a protocol for FRIDAY to inform her when he did drink in the tower. She was not letting him go down that path again.

He rarely remembers his nightmares dreams, but he knows they can only be about a few things; his ‘friend’ Captain America sending his shield, as he blocked every blow to the head, straight into his arc reactor. The shield his father made, his father who never told him he loved him or was never there for him. And not to forget is the kid. God, the kid. Tony groaned at the memory of him at the Vulture fight and started rubbing his hands over his face in an attempt to distract himself from that thought that he was trying so hard not to think about. 

There were dark circles under his eyes and his hands hadn’t stopped trembling since a few weeks ago. Since he couldn’t be at peace while he slept he started working instead, not that he was at peace but at least he could distract himself of his own mind and thoughts. 

He heard that the coffee was ready in the kitchen. He drank from his ‘keep calm and be like Iron man’ mug and when he went to put it down he missed the counter. As a consequence the glass shattered upon having contact with the ground, and Tony started cursing at himself, praying it won’t wake Pepper up. 

Speaking of Pepper, she knows Tony has sleeping problems and she tried to talk to him, get him to therapy, several times actually but he always brushed her off, saying he was ‘fine’ or that it was ‘nothing’. She was worried, god, she prayed he would get better because he deserved to be able to sleep at night without waking up with tears, he deserved to be able to enjoy things , he deserved to be happy. And happy he was, at least with her. Everyday he was thankful for her, but when she left there was room for the dark thoughts.

After cleaning up the mess he went down to his lab, ready to work the rest of the night away. He gave DUM-E a quick greeting and told FRIDAY to start up the suit and to look for parts that needed to be repaired, after him rescuing 12 people out of a burning building yesterday, when he suddenly got the notification that Spider man left his apartment at 2 AM.  
‘This kid was going to be the death of me’ he thought.

He hadn’t been in contact with him since he rejected his offer to join the Avengers, he wasn’t salty bout it, in fact he was quite proud at the mature choice. After that Tony realized he wasn’t any good to the kid. He took his suit away and that only caused the kid to go in to battle while wearing pajamas . He nearly died protecting his properties. He felt so guilty for it ever since, so he concluded the kid would be better of without him. He wasn’t even a good human being, he also couldn’t even take care of himself and to top it of: everyone around him left (thank god for Pepper and Rhodey). He really wanted to be a part of him growing up, see him with his first girlfriend, going to graduation, driving his first car, his first job, and one day take his spot in Stark Industries, but he would only drag him down, and thats the last thing he wished for him.


	3. A meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter sees Tony again for the first time and has a bad feeling about this particular night.

Peter was swinging through the dark but very much alive streets of Queens, a few citizens recognized him and waved. He gladly waved back but he always wondered what people did outside at 2 AM, it was even snowing this evening (or morning) and the streets were still crowded. 

If he went up high enough on a skyscraper everyone looked like an ant, that always reminded him of how everyone at the end of the day was just a human. No matter what rank they had at work or what decisions they made; they were all the same. 

A nice reminder that he too is a kid and can’t take on the world. He knew that though, he was never in over his head. He kept it to the small crimes, stuff like helping an elderly woman with her groceries, helping a kitten get back to it’s owners. Those were the daily ones, the weekly ones were muggings, robberies, bar fights etc etc. That still was in his pay grade he thought.

Normally Peter didn’t get hurt during the fights but a feeling told him it was going to be different to night. He couldn’t explain it but it was kind of a sense. His hair on his neck would stand up and chills would go down his spine. This was what helped him dodge bullets, fists, hits, and much more.

Something was off tonight but he couldn’t figure out what.

He got up on a tall apartment building to catch his breath. He sat on the edge dangling his feet 60 meter in the air. He already had stopped a mugging and had brought back a lady’s purse back while webbing up the pick pocketer. A good night so far but the feeling just wouldn’t go away. It was starting to make him uneasy but tried to ignore it. So far his ‘sense’ hasn’t been wrong but there is a first time for everything, right? His sense always warned him for danger but right now there really wasn’t anything. Maybe he was just being paranoid because aunt May was gone he told himself. He kept repeating it in his head and maybe he would eventually believe it himself, that was what Peter was going for at least. 

Stop. Think. Reset.

That was a sentence his uncle said when he was over thinking something. That always snapped him out of his thoughts, it caused him to hear the sound of boots hitting the ground. He recognized the pace and sound of the boots. Peter didn’t hear him fly near because he was so caught up in his own mind. It literally could be only one person;

Iron Man

Peter just pretended to not hear him and kept looking down at the small cars that were driving through the streets.

“Hey kid, mind if I join ?” Peter just kept quit and stared because suddenly the pavement down below was very interesting.

“I know you can hear me with that advanced hearing and all that.” 

Peter sighed and answered: “It’s a free country, Mr. Stark, you can go where ever you wanna go.”

‘Jeez I knew the kid wouldn’t be thrilled to see me, but this…’ Tony thought while walking to the edge to sit next to Peter. He was already out of his armor and suddenly felt the January chill through his thin jacket.

“Well, that’s a away to say hello to an old friend. Anyways, what’s on your mind, underoos, you’re sitting here all alone.” Tony asked while sitting down next to Peter. He actually was curious, it looked like the kid was in a deep thought before he interrupted.

Peter just scoffed in response, he was not the type to be ‘moody’ or ‘unrespectful’ but honestly, this man hasn’t been there for months and now he expects him to lay his heart out the first time he sees him?!

“Nothing.” he replied.

Tony mentally sighed. He had to talk to him, he knew this was coming. It was not something he could avoid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the few people who were waiting on a new chapter. It really wasn't supposed to be out today but a few days earlier. Everything has been so busy but this weekend a few new chapters should be out. And longer too, time is just short right now. Thank you for the patience. Have any suggestions? Please leave them!:) I would love to hear that and any other comments! Hopefully you enjoyed the read :)


End file.
